Coping With Perfectionism

This is the last part of a 3-part series on why being a perfectionist isn't so perfect and how we should deal with it. This is an abridged version of the original article. For the full article and full series, check out the links below:

Part 1 : 10 Ways To Tell If You Are A Perfectionist
Part 2 : Downsides of Perfectionism
Part 3 : Overcoming Perfectionism

First understand why you are a perfectionist. What is the underlying motivation? Look back and identify situations which contributed to shaping your perfectionist mentality. Is it because of others' expectations of you? Is it because people wrongly gauged your abilities and you feel you need to prove yourself? Is it because you attach your sense of self worth to the results of your actions? Whatever the reasons are, be conscious of them and understand that these do not define who you are.

2. Realize ideals are directions and not absolutes

Continue to set big goals because these enable you to grow the most. The goals are not the problems - it's the attachment towards the goals which you need to work on. Accept your goals as directions to work towards and not absolutes which you need to achieve. Commit yourself to the goals but do not attach yourself to them. It does not matter if you do not reach the ideals because these are visions to reach; they are not who you are or who you should be.

3. Respect and love yourself

Are you rebuking yourself over something that could have been better? Let go of all these negativite thoughts in your mind. You did what you could within that particular context. Recognize you are an individual with your own rights and integrity versus subjecting yourself to all the self-abuse and self-depreciation. Treat yourself with the respect you deserve.

4. Look at the big picture

See the forest for the trees. Use prioritization techniques such as Time Management Matrix to help you sieve out the activities which you should do and activities which you should remove. For things you have to partake in, use the 80-20 principle to help you gauge when to stop. Whenever a certain task is taking too much time, it is good to ask yourself 'Does this make a real difference in the long run?'. If it doesn't, chuck it.

5. Focus on what can be done

Forget about mistakes that were made in the past which you cannot do anything about. Learn from them and move on; mulling over them does not change the past. The time you spend feeling bad about what happened takes you away from time which you can have spent on more productive things instead! Don't worrying about things that are not within your area of influence. Plan for contingencies but beyond that, do not waste your time harping over it.

6. Delegate to others and let go

Have faith in other people's abilities and delegate tasks to them. If they do not seem to be doing a particular task right, teach and help them rather than doing everything. Teach a man how to fish so there is more fish for everyone, rather than doing all the fishing yourself and restricting the total output.

7. Have fun the entire time

The process is the longest part of achievement - enjoy it! Find different methods to liven it - learn to laugh at yourself, take things positively, rest when it is time to, engage in your favorite recreational activities, do not deprioritize your social life.

8. Celebrate the journey

Give yourself a pat in the back for everything that you do, no matter what is the result. Reward yourself or other people if a good job is done. Give credit where credit is due. Fully celebrate your victories when they come along - you have really earned them!

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